I’ve been exposed, more recently, to individuals who are completely oblivious to their own wants, desires, ambitions, emotions, and dreams. The detrimental problem is that their actions, demeanor, and the words they say, all point to someone who is completely confident in everything they want in life. They are consequently a walking contradiction. 

I am a very ambitious, motivated, hard working, passionate person. I like to surround myself with those who share these same qualities. Life without passion is merely a dismal existence of routine. No thank you. I have my goals and I do everything in my ability to achieve them.

I’m going to relate this idea to relationships for a moment, but this branches out into all aspects of life. Sometimes people are so desperate to fill the empty void in their depressing lives that they thought of finding “love” will complete them. They will seek it out and even pursue a relationship in hopes that it can be the one thing that brings meaning to their otherwise lonely life of singularity. That sounds like a fairly plausible solution, seeing as television has force fed us the idea that love is this elusive experience that is widely desired and uncommonly found. The problem is that some people aren’t in a mental OR emotional state to even be in a functioning, loving relationship. But usually, those are the same people who are completely full of pride, cowardice, and would NEVER admit to being in a situation in which they are not ready for or undeserving of.

It’s almost like someone wanting to be a professional musician. Who DOESN’T want to be a “rock star” and have all the benefits that come along with such a title? However, who actually has the talent to do such things? Who has the work ethic to achieve that level of success? Most people lack both, but will still try to convince others, as well as themselves, that they are qualified to be treated and viewed with such a high regard. Eventually, this behavior will catch up to that person, their facade of passion and life long dreams will seem as nothing more than a lapse of judgement and self underestimation.  They realize they DON’T have what it takes, begin to panic, wonder how they got so far in over their head and look for an exit strategy. 

Now here’s where I need to look at both sides of the spectrum. I completely understand that people change, wants and needs can evolve depending on an individual’s constantly changing life. Humans are fairly indecisive and for someone to desire one thing and one thing only doesn’t make much sense. What I CAN’T understand is how anyone can be in “LOVE” or want a job, a career, pursue a dream, or feel so passionately about ANYTHING and have that overwhelming, life driven emotion completely change in an short, unreasonable amount of time. It only leads me to believe that individuals like that are actually oblivious to what the want in the first place. That they lack the understanding of what it means to love, or desire, or want, or have ambition in any meaningful capacity.

I’m starting to realize that people have no conceivable idea of the impact that their words (empty at that) can have on the individuals around them. That their decisions and inability to make them, can negatively affect those who can. I just don’t understand how someone can be so naive to their own emotions and speak so confidently about them as if they actually knew what the fuck it was that they want in life. 

I may not always know what I WANT, but I am self aware of when I’m in a situation that I know I don’t ACTUALLY want to be a part of and thankfully I have the courage, honesty, and ability to be honest with myself and those involved to say when enough is enough.