naciremamusic:

I’ve been exposed, more recently, to individuals who are completely oblivious to their own wants, desires, ambitions, emotions, and dreams. The detrimental problem is that their actions, demeanor, and the words they say, all point to someone who is completely confident in everything they want in life. They are consequently a walking contradiction. 

I am a very ambitious, motivated, hard working, passionate person. I like to surround myself with those who share these same qualities. Life without passion is merely a dismal existence of routine. No thank you. I have my goals and I do everything in my ability to achieve them.

I’m going to relate this idea to relationships for a moment, but this branches out into all aspects of life. Sometimes people are so desperate to fill the empty void in their depressing lives that they thought of finding “love” will complete them. They will seek it out and even pursue a relationship in hopes that it can be the one thing that brings meaning to their otherwise lonely life of singularity. That sounds like a fairly plausible solution, seeing as television has force fed us the idea that love is this elusive experience that is widely desired and uncommonly found. The problem is that some people aren’t in a mental OR emotional state to even be in a functioning, loving relationship. But usually, those are the same people who are completely full of pride, cowardice, and would NEVER admit to being in a situation in which they are not ready for or undeserving of.

It’s almost like someone wanting to be a professional musician. Who DOESN’T want to be a “rock star” and have all the benefits that come along with such a title? However, who actually has the talent to do such things? Who has the work ethic to achieve that level of success? Most people lack both, but will still try to convince others, as well as themselves, that they are qualified to be treated and viewed with such a high regard. Eventually, this behavior will catch up to that person, their facade of passion and life long dreams will seem as nothing more than a lapse of judgement and self underestimation.  They realize they DON’T have what it takes, begin to panic, wonder how they got so far in over their head and look for an exit strategy. 

Now here’s where I need to look at both sides of the spectrum. I completely understand that people change, wants and needs can evolve depending on an individual’s constantly changing life. Humans are fairly indecisive and for someone to desire one thing and one thing only doesn’t make much sense. What I CAN’T understand is how anyone can be in “LOVE” or want a job, a career, pursue a dream, or feel so passionately about ANYTHING and have that overwhelming, life driven emotion completely change in an short, unreasonable amount of time. It only leads me to believe that individuals like that are actually oblivious to what the want in the first place. That they lack the understanding of what it means to love, or desire, or want, or have ambition in any meaningful capacity.

I’m starting to realize that people have no conceivable idea of the impact that their words (empty at that) can have on the individuals around them. That their decisions and inability to make them, can negatively affect those who can. I just don’t understand how someone can be so naive to their own emotions and speak so confidently about them as if they actually knew what the fuck it was that they want in life. 

I may not always know what I WANT, but I am self aware of when I’m in a situation that I know I don’t ACTUALLY want to be a part of and thankfully I have the courage, honesty, and ability to be honest with myself and those involved to say when enough is enough. 

Smile for the camera, suck in that gut. Don’t shame your family, you’ll have bad luck. Oh, the whole world is waiting to see when you fall. The cracked coffee cup from the senior prom. Faded red dress on the neighbor’s lawn. Oh, the whole world is waiting to see when you fall.

Have you ever met somebody who was perfect, until you met them?

My band Authors is currently featured on the front page of purevolume and we’re streaming our entire EP. Click below to listen, if you like it, grab a copy of our debut release on iTunes now.

iTunes Link:

There is a recurring circumstance that I feel compelled to touch on. I’ve been subjected to it and many of you have as well. I’m speaking about the moment when you become aware that the person that you love is gone. I’m not talking about them passing away, but rather that they have completely changed.

We’ve all fallen in love with someone based on their character and personality. We can list the qualities they possessed which led us to feeling such an emotion towards them. But the bottom line is that people change and it can come out of nowhere. I’ve witnessed first hand that spending time with someone and being in a relationship with them does NOT mean you know the person they really are. It can really take you by surprise. How can someone you thought you knew so well and felt so strongly for suddenly become a complete stranger? It’s very difficult and frightening experience.

When love fails, we must endure the painful process of letting go. I’ve managed to succeed at doing so by using this logic: The person you loved may look the same, laugh the same, have the same smile and voice. They have all the external characteristics of  who you fell for, but inside, they are no longer there. That person you fell in love with is non existent. While they may appear to be similar in a physical sense, you have to accept that whoever they were, when things were good, is gone and is never coming back. 

So often we strive to change them back into the person they used to be. We may see and hold onto glimpses of who they once were, but its not who they are now. Just a shell. Just a ghost.

I’ve learned the hard way that you can’t change anyone. You can’t fix anyone. Some people are not worth the rescuing. You can’t hold on to something that is not there. We all desperately need to seek out someone who fulfills us all of the time and not hold on to momentary glimpses of the ones we have lost. Sometimes you have to just stop and learn to let go.

I think the worst part about growing older is the continuous process of becoming aware of the world. It’s terrifying to finally comprehend the evil that our fellow man is capable of. The realization of our fragile lives and the swift approach of death’s inevitability. So many things, that we were so naive to in our youth, now consume us and force us to act, to think, to question, and to fear. I could give a motivational speech on how you should live life to the fullest, but instead I’ll just remind you that we have only one chance at this. Don’t fuck it up.

x

Listen, sometimes people question my life goals and ambitons, “What are you doing with yourself, Joshua?” “Are you going back to school?” “You need to get your shit together, you’re too old to not have a plan and make something of yourself.”

I appreciate what you may consider friendly advice or constructive criticism of my decisions, but this post is to tell you to take your advice and go fuck yourself.

I am a very intelligent dude. I could be going to college for a number of things and getting better grades than most of you. I could be driving a nice car, working or interning for a promising career, earning a hefty 401k so I can retire early and buy a bunch of excessive material things. However, none of that has any significance to me. I understand that most people my age have been brainwashed to pursue the “American Dream” and are doing a great job of it. Unfortunately, we don’t share the same dreams.

I am broke, I sleep on couches, I work shitty dead end jobs, I buy booze with pockets of change, I eat ramen and tv dinners, and I do all of those things by choice. Because I play music and nothing else really matter to me.  Last year I visited 30 of the 50 states because of music, I’ve met thousands of kids who I’ve connected with on levels that I would otherwise have not. I’ve seen and done things that I’ve only dreamed about and that’s what makes it worth it.

So next time you question my decisions or wish better for me, please don’t. I’m content and confident with where I am right now because I’m pursuing what a lot of you don’t have the talent or courage to ever attempt. 

Cheers.

So this is my annual post including material things that I don’t really need or desperately want, but since it’s my birthday in a month, I’ll go ahead and list some things I wouldn’t mind having in my possession!

Lost Complete Series Box Set:

Wal-Mart Gift Cards:

Starbucks Gift Cards:

White Macbook 13” (Older Model) Rechargeable Replacement Battery:

New Or Used Blackberry Curve (possibly your old phone) :

Escada “Magnetism” Cologne:

If I were to somehow receive all these things, you can see that I’ll basically be watching LOST dvd’s on my Macbook, laying on my newly purchased sheet set, sipping an iced mocha (no whipped cream),  and possibly texting you from the crackberry. ALL while smelling absolutely magnificent, of course. 

Anyways, my birthday is October 16th. I have no idea what I’ll be doing or how depressed I’ll be from aging yet another year. I’ll keep you updated if I do decide to have a “social gathering” to celebrate my birth and 24 subsequent years of survival. 

<3 Joshua

A taste of earth and blackened breaths. Our oxygen is running out. It’s been years wrapped in flesh barely living underground. An avalanche of scarlet death
consuming everything we knew. For you I’d go to hell and back.
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do. 

If you enjoy my rants and think your friends might as well, send them to my page. 

I keep reading and hearing people complain about everyone’s promiscuity. I can’t help but to think that the ones doing the whining are either, the ones who AREN’T getting laid, OR they actually have morals and just haven’t found happiness yet. 

Some people are completely content with hooking up with several partners, they sleep just fine at night. Just because you have higher levels of self respect, doesn’t mean that you can criticize people who don’t. It really DOESNT make you a better person, because it’s all subjective and your morals, as great as they make you feel, are NOT the standard for the rest of the people you are surrounded by.

Don’t judge, unless you are ready to have others judge you. Stop filling up my news feed with your sob stories about how girls are sluts and you just can’t stand it. We all want happiness, we all want to feel desired. Go get a girlfriend, wife, hooker, or whatever it is that will satisfy your obvious lack of attention and stop criticizing those who are doing the exact same thing.

There are several different levels of musicianship. Some people can write absolutely amazing guitar parts, or come up with the catchiest melodies and lyrics off the top of their heads. Some people can read sheet music, play scales, and arpeggios, but can’t even begin to compose their own songs.

Almost everything you listen to has some co-writing involved. Wether its multiple people in a band working on an idea together, or a producer at the studio giving his creative input, it all usually makes the song better. It’s a creative process and co-writing can take good ideas and make them into great ideas. It can take someone’s already awesome song and show them things that they may never have thought to do.

Now I can understand when radio pop bands have most of their material written for them, recycled melodies and lyric ideas forced into their songs because they had worked in other successful “top 40 hits!”. That eliminates the true creative, talented, and meaningful purpose of making music. I hate that shit, aka WTK, BLG, ATL etc.

Ask me anything

I’m not in a very good mindset right now. I grow impatient with people. I am appalled with the behaviors of those around me, even if I share the same ones. I can see through people’s insecurities and irritates me, but breaks my heart at the same time.

I watch people’s actions, they way they tell stories, their excitement, the change in their voices, they way they laugh, complain, pout, worry, doubt, argue, cry, fear, smile, defend themselves, justify themselves, flirt, lie, eat, and drink. I’m no longer viewing them as an individual, but rather a list of characteristics that I pick apart and separate into what I love and hate.

Call me judgmental, a hypocrite, shallow, or maybe even an asshole, but I’m having a hard time controlling it. I think of it more as being observant and analyzing a broader spectrum of things rather than just a name and face. 

I think what upsets me most, is that of all the people I’ve met, there’s only one I can really think of right now that even after all the in depth analysis and attempts to find things I don’t care for, I’m left with a blank. I can’t find anything that is unappealing. or incompatible. That’s so hard for ANYONE to find, and it’s leaving me intrigued, confused, and only wanting to know more.